I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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