And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
