DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
