She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
