it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
