I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
