NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
