Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
