I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
