Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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