Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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