I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
