His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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