I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
