Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
