Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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