I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
