I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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