I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
