Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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