Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
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Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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