I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
