Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
