"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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