carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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