I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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