Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
