then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
