did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
