i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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and she was petting her beer can
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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