This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I need moral support for this bender
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
