Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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