Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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