And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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