they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
