Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
