I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
