Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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