I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
