Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
