My liver just broke up with me...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
