I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
40s are totally the cure
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
