you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
