New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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