She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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