So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
