if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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