Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
