; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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