I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
