I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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