did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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