His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
a search helicopter?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
