yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
