it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she told me i tasted like america
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
