in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
