it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
