i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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