new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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