i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
