you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
