i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
