): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
