Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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