she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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