dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
