dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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