Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
