I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my being single is dangerous.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
