My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
