you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
