just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize