ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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