grandma shit on top of the toilet
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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